A Shadowhunter's Last Stand
by TheAngelsCryInBlood
Summary: When needed a Shadowhunter can draw on all the strength in their blood, making the impossible, possible. The price, their life. Feeling helpless after losing Magnus, It's the choice Alec makes. Warning: Suicide but it's Temporary


It had been a surprise to everyone.

The Seelie Queen had called all the leaders of New York's Downworlders including the Shadowhunter's to her realm and they understood why as they looked at the small pile of bodies in the centre of the court.

Jonathan, Valentine and a few other high ranking members of the Circle lay there, the Soulsword stabbed into the ground among them and the Mortal Cup right besides it.

And every one of those leaders were dealing with the return of many members of their community that had suddenly appeared.

"Where is Lightwood?" Raphael spoke, voice quiet, noting only his two siblings and the Fray girl had arrived, Lightwood would not dismiss such a summons.

"We don't know." Clary replied, "We can't find him and Jace can't feel him through the bond." Her tone was dismissive, she'd never cared for the elder Lightwood and was thankful he wasn't getting in her way again, he always was trying to stop her from doing something.

At the mention of his former lover Magnus looked up, worry shining in his eyes and it was reflected on the faces of most others but there wasn't much to do, if the Shadowhunter's couldn't find him it was unlikely any of the others would.

Jace walked forward and picked up the Mortal Cup before shouldering Valentine's body, ready to carry it back to the institute. He left the sword where it was and turned away, walking out of the court without another word, melancholy hanging around him.

Izzy watched him go with worry, seeing Jace like this wasn't good, it made her worry more about her eldest brother and Clary just kept telling the blond to perk up which annoyed them all.

It was quiet as each remaining member left and Raphael made his way back to the Dumort, enjoying the crisp night and breathing it in regardless of not needing to, only for a smell like burnt angel blood to meet his nose and it was an angel he recognised.

He ran towards the alley in a blur and found the dark haired shadowhunter there. Alec's pale skin had gone from a healthy glow to sickly, his breathing laboured and as he coughed, blood bubbled past his lips.

"Don't." The Lightwood's voice rattled as he spoke, stopping the vampire from using his phone. "There's nothing they can do." He coughed again and without think Raphael crouched down, using his thumb to wipe the shadowhunter's full bottom lip, taking away the blackened blood.

"Why can't they help you?" He caressed the other's burning skin with the back of his hand, watching hazel eyes flutter.

"There's a shadowhunter's last stand, drawing on all of the angelic power in our blood at once. It burns from the inside out, a guaranteed death sentence but we're suddenly capable of the impossible." The small explanation was punctuated with several more coughs of blood and the vampire could hear it swirling in his lungs, the way his heart was slowing and it was only as he started to slip away that the vampire came to realise how much he respected the man how much he would miss him regardless of the their limited and sometimes violent interactions.

"Like taking out the circle and recovering the mortal instruments. Not to mention freeing missing downworlders." Raphael gave a small, sad smile. "But why?"

"I'm never good enough, I know that, they're better without me so I might as well do something worth while with my last moments."

And the vampire's smile slipped away because Alec, Alec really believed that, and it had been so long since he had wanted to cry. Before he could say anything there was a last stuttering breath and the heartbeat stopped.

As he pulled out his phone for the second time thunder cracked above him and the heaven's open, cold rain soaking all it touched and Raphael truly believed the angels were in mourning.

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The Institute was quiet, so quiet, only the storm that now raged outside could be heard. At least until you reached the infirmary and heard Izzy's furious screams and Max's quiet cries, everyone else was stoically silent and finally Maryse couldn't take it any more.

Her heels clicked as she head for the Head's office, Alec's office and it was there she sobbed, knowing that she would never see her beautiful baby boy here again. By the Angel, her incredible, brave, strong boy was gone and it felt like she'd had her heart ripped out and she crumpled to the ground, rough, broken noises tearing from her mouth as she trembled.

When she finally stood again it was only because no more tears would come, she still felt painfully hollow and stumbled to the desk, eyes going wide as she found the crisp white envelopes resting their. Trembling she picked them up, sorting through the small stack until she found the one marked with Mama.

With a watering smile she caressed the word. The perfect calligraphy was in a shimmering dark blue but it seemed black, something she'd never noticed before and she gave a sharp laugh of disbelief, trust her brilliant son to find a small way to defy the Clave without a single person noticing.

Sinking into his chair she opened the letter.

 _Mama,_

 _I know you hate being called dear so please excuse the informality._

She laughed again, love and sorrow swelling in her heart.

 _I wanted to apologise, and I should have said this to your face but I'm to much of a coward._

She shook her head, eyes somehow watering again even though they were itch and dry. Her baby was never a coward and what did he have to apologise for.

 _I know I've always been a disappointment to you and I'm sorry I couldn't be more. I'm sorry I've never been as smart as Izzy, or as good of a fighter as Jace, they're both better Shadowhunters then me, and I know Max will be._

 _I could never do my duty, I failed at keeping Jace and Izzy out of trouble and again with Max, I failed when it came to running the institute and I failed when it came to continuing the family name and securing our place._

 _I couldn't help being gay but I should have pushed my feelings aside. I was selfish and stupid and hurt my family rather than doing what I should of. I hope one day you can forgive me._

 _I love you Mama,_

 _Alexander._

Maryse started at the paper, her boy, her beautiful baby thought, thought he wasn't good enough, thought he'd failed, thought, thought.

Her agonised scream echoed down the corridors, the walls of the institute shaking as thunder simultaneously rocked the building.

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Max stopped crying slowly, holding his ears against Izzy's screams, but they weren't pained or sad, they were angry and even now she was hurling abuse at their brother blaming him for dying, accusing him of being selfish and hurting her.

"Shut Up!" Izzy looked at him in shock, gobsmacked that her little brother would speak to her like that. "Alec did everything for us. He raised me, he practically raised you. Every time you screwed up or broke the rules he covered for you and took the punishment and all you ever did was throw it back in his face and stab him in the back. You don't get to hurt him any more."

Max started to sob again as he finished and Robert tried to wrap his son in a hug but the youngest Lightwood smacked him away, the only person he wanted lay cold and still on the hospital bed.

The clack of heels echoed outside the room, quieting what little sounds their were as Maryse entered, a stack of white envelopes in her hands and she slowly went through the room handing them out. Everyone slowly opened theirs.

 _Hey Maxi._

 _Before I say anything else I want you to know I love you so, so much and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you but like a lot of the time I was selfish. I couldn't cope any more Maxi and I took the easy way out and the biggest regret I have is that you'll have to deal with it._

He let out a small choked noise, curling into a tighter ball.

 _You are amazing, smart, strong and just generally brilliant and you can do anything. No matter what follow what you believe and be yourself because I know you can do anything you set your mind to._

 _I love you Maxi, always._

 _Alec_

He somehow curled up tighter and watched as everyone around the room reacted to their own. Watched Izzy storm out, saw Robert crumple, looked at at Jace as he curled closer to his dead parabatai and then Magnus. The warlock was collapsed against the wall, tears falling as he sobbed, warlock mark unglamoured.

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Izzy was furious. Again Alec had been a selfish idiot, just like with marrying Lydia so he could stay the head of the fucking institute, like that really matter, she almost threw the letter away when her mother handed it over but instead tore into it.

 _Hey Izzybell_

 _I know you're probably pissed and you have the right to be, I was a selfish idiot I know but I can't do it any more. I can't pretend it doesn't hurt any more._

 _I killed Joceylen, I failed at every turn, whether it was in work, or love and I failed you. You were right, I don't get people, I don't see the bigger picture. I never understood why you took the cup, I never realised until it was to late about your addiction._

 _I'm a screw up of a big brother, I tried to keep you safe and I just ended up pushing you into more trouble._

 _I'm sorry Izzy, I love you_

 _Alec._

And she stormed out in fury, but she couldn't decide if it was at him, or herself.

Robert watched her go from his place on the floor and turned back to his own, a hollow ache echoing in his chest as he re-read some of his sons last words.

 _Dad_

 _By the Angel I'm so mad at you. My entire life you made me feel like I wasn't enough, like I could never be enough. I was never fast enough, strong enough. Izzy was your princess and Jace was the golden boy, Max was the youngest and I was the failure. Then I found out you cheated on Mom. You betrayed your wife and your whole family and you still layered on the pressure to be perfect._

 _But I still love you, you're still my Dad and I couldn't help but ask if I can still love you through that, why didn't you love me? You missed Max's rune ceremony and you would never do that so it must have been because of me._

 _I'm sorry, whether it was because I wasn't good enough, or because of who I am just please, try not to hurt them again, be there for them._

 _Love Alec._

By his third time reading he had tears streaming down his face and he swore he wouldn't let his son down now, because it seems that's all he'd ever done.

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Jace and Magnus were both feeling like a part of them had been ripped out and the rest of them shattered. The Parabatai bond breaking had been pure agony and with Alec gone, he'd taken part of Magnus' magic with him, the shadowhunter was his soulmate, and he hadn't even realised. He'd pushed him away and lost him because of it.

His eyes only moved when Marsye appeared and for the first time he saw her as something human, she wasn't a proud shadowhunter, she was a broken woman, a mother facing her worst tragedy.

She handed him the letter and it was all he could do not to break into sobs then and there as he saw his sweet Alexander's handwriting.

He opened it with trembling fingers.

 _Mags_

 _I love you. I love you in a way I've never loved anyone in a way I never thought I could and, thank you. Thank you for making me a better person, for proving to me that I could be myself, and for letting me be a part of your life for the past few months because you are the best thing that ever happened to me._

 _And I can't tell you how sorry I am. I hurt you Mags, I lied to you and I betrayed you and I know you can't forgive me for that but I hope you don't regret me._

 _After such little time together I couldn't imagine my life without you and going through it, it hurt more than anything else in my life._

 _I wish that I could have been enough for you, I wish I deserved you but I knew from the moment I met you that I didn't. I hope one day you'll find someone as beautiful and incredible as you are who can give you everything you deserve and I'm sorry that wasn't me._

 _You are my heart Magnus Bane and I love you,_

 _Forever your Alexander._

And he did sob, ugly heaving things as he prayed to the angels, begging to let him apologise, begging to see his love again no matter how much he knew the angel wouldn't listen and Jace was praying just as hard.

The blond couldn't be moved, several people had tried including Clary, the girl had gone off in a huff when he hadn't listened.

 _Jace_

 _My parabatai. I'm sorry for doing this to you but we both know I was never suppose to be your parabatai, you were to good for me from day one and when Clary came along I proved that correct again and again._

 _I stood in your way and couldn't let you go, I was so selfish that even when I had Magnus I couldn't let you go and I can't even apologise because I'm not sorry for it._

 _I love you and I'm sorry for hurting you but it's better this way, you can live your life without me getting in the way and holding you back._

 _You are my soul, from the day I met you._

 _I love you Jace._

 _Alec._

Silent tears rolled down his face, dripping onto thin fabric covering cold skin, his ear placed over his brother's once beating heart, completely silent as he prayed to the angel, sad, numb and hopeless.

Until the soft beat started, his head rising with gentle breaths and his abdomen burned, like a rune being burned on and he felt warmth and light spreading through his soul as Alec breathed again.

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The entire room heard the first breath, going stock still to hear the second and watched as the spot over his heart began to burn, a new, intricate rune that none of them had ever seen before, only heard of, being etched into his skin and when the burn stopped, hazel eyes fluttered open, a golden glow resting in them.

Max was the first one to move, throwing himself at his big brother with a sob and Alec wrapped his arms around the young shadowhunter, shushing and soothing him, all the while confusion rattled his mind. The last thing he remembered was talking to Raphael, the vampires cool skin against his fevered flesh as his own blood burned through his veins.

Now he felt stronger then before, his bond with Jace was bright and alive with relief and disbelief. He could feel Magnus' magic swirling around him, constantly caressing his skin as if it was afraid to let him go.

He heard more sobs and before his knew it both his parents were wrapped around him, his mother muttering in Spanish while his father held him so tight he swore his bones were creaking and among it all Jace was wrapped around him still, squeezing his stomach.

"Don't ever do that again." Max mumbled. "Don't ever leave us, we need you, just because everyone is a selfish idiot doesn't make it any less true."

Alec shook his head, he didn't believe it but didn't speak, just holding him tighter.

"He's right." His parabatai muttered, voice hoarse. "We've all screwed you over a hundred time because we know you'll do anything for us and we all abuse it. Me and Izzy more than anyone else." The elder shook his head again and made to speak but Jace told him to shut up and held him tighter.

Alec felt like he was in shock, never, ever did he remember his family, other than Max, being so loving, it was completely foreign to him, and wasn't that saying something.

Jace let out a low whine, upset at his parabatai's confusion, someone who gave so much love, protected his family and his people with everything he had and being loved in return was something that jarred him, knocked his world out of alignment and it explained everything more than even those letters.

By the time they finally let him go the sun had peaked, shimmering through the infirmary windows casting them all in a golden light. Both Jace and Max had fallen asleep tucked into their brother.

The silence that had lasted so long was broken by Robert.

"Maryse can you please inform the council?"

The Latina opened her mouth to protest but followed her 'husband's' gaze to the silent warlock still in the corner.

"Of course." She nodded, gently smoothing back her sons curls one last time.. "I trust you'll inform the institute."

Robert nodded and placed a kiss on his forehead and the two of them walked away, leaving the three brothers and the warlock behind.

"Alexander." The quiet voice was almost broken, Magnus looked at his love with wonder and disbelief, and the shadowhunter looked at him with so much hope and fear that his heart broke all over again. He'd ripped the young man's heart out, the last straw after so much hurt and he knew, without a doubt Alexander had depression, that his once lover was capable of suicide and he'd disregarded it, all for what?

"Mags."

The warlock instantly moved closer hearing that and before he could think he gently cupped the other's face, pressing a gentle kiss to the shadowhunter's plush lips. He almost sobbed with the feeling, warm skin and hot breath greeting him like he'd never left.

"Oh my angel, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Alec shook his head at the elders words, fully believing he had nothing to be sorry for but Magnus gripped more firmly, his unglamoured eyes staring into intricate hazel. "Alexander, you are the most brilliant, loving, caring person I have ever met in my eight hundred years and more than that you do everything for the people around you and never yourself. I was hurt you lied to me about the sword but rather than talking like I should have I lashed out at you, I hurt you so much and if I hadn't..."

He gulped harshly as Alec looked away, ashamed at himself but he looked back as the warlock laid a had over his heart, over the brand new mark, an intricate Celtic knot, swords and wings blended impossibly into the black twists, the rune of resurrection and power, one that could only be given by the angels themselves.

"Just please remember that this mark, only the angels could have given you this mark. They think you are worthy, and I know you are. You my sweet Alexander are worth the world and so much more and if you let me I will spend every day proving it to you."

Alexander just stared at him for a moment before he shifted. Lifting Max gently so the little Lightwood lay on his chest and then extended his left arm, leaving the perfect gap for Magnus to slip under. Said Warlock curled into the space without hesitation and finally let himself sleep, feeling the others pulse under his ear.

Magnus was neither stupid nor delusional enough to think that this was over. No sudden declaration after such an emotional event was going to change how Alexander felt about himself and it was going to be a long road but Magnus refused to let him down again.


End file.
